Well, we definitely had a roller coaster of a month. Unfortunately, round #2 was also unsuccessful. This news wouldn't have been so devastating (I'm fairly used to finding out I'm not pregnant) except that we had a false positive the day before Thanksgiving. I had a very faint "positive" line on two separate pregnancy tests the day before, and the morning of, my beta test only to get a phone call from my nurse that my blood work was negative. (In other words, just a defective, drugstore brand pregnancy test and not an early pregnancy.)
Needless to say, I was heartbroken. It was all I could do to keep it together on the phone. I then got in my car (after having to leave the food pantry where I was volunteering due to feeling "sick"...which, actually, I did feel physically awful as well) and bawled my eyes out. I called my husband at work. Poor guy, what was he supposed to do sitting there at his desk. He is so great though. He calmed me down and managed to get through the day at work. I went home, took a hot bath, and curled up in bed in flannel PJ's.
(Side note: I also felt awful that I actually left the food pantry...but I knew I just couldn't make it two more hours without a major breakdown. I really didn't think I would get "the call" until after I left. I also thought it would do me good to keep my mind off of things by being productive that morning. But, lesson learned...don't answer the phone until in a place to have a major celebration or breakdown!)
Anyway, after believing just maybe for two days, we were both pretty devastated. However, we did manage to have a very nice Thanksgiving with family with much to be thankful for - including the first Thanksgiving at my mom's new house, a new job for my brother who has been out of work for nearly six months, seeing some family members for the first time in a few years, and last, but not least, my wonderful husband and marriage which I would not trade for the world.
I am truly blessed even in the face of my greatest struggle to date.
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